It's Just A Game
by MizuKitsune10
Summary: What if Allen, Harry, Hermione, & Malfoy play poker, where a loser does whatever the winner wants? Utter chaos and randomness of course! ALL CHAPTERS HAVE BEEN REWRITTEN TO BE MORE PLEASING TO THE EYE! Thanks Embrenn. COMPLETE! CRACK FIC
1. The Joys of Payback

This is the rewrite of 'One Helluva Poker Game'. I didn't like how I wrote it, so I'm redoing it. Merry Christmas Eve! Big thanks to YuZukio-sama969!

Disclaimer: I will** NEVER **_**OWN**_ D.Gray-man OR Harry Potter. That right belongs to Katsura Hoshino-sama and Ms. J. K. Rowling respectively.

_**THIS HAS AN OOC ALLEN! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!**_

NOTES: Allen hates losing by accident. Harry-Ron-Hermionie group will be the Golden Trio. Inspired by YuZuki-sama969. Takes place during Christmas.

**It's Just A Game**

**The Joys of Payback**

Allen Walker and his friends Kanda, Lavi, Linali, Koumi, Miranda and Krory had been staying at Hogwarts searching for innocence and the former four (Allen, Kanda, Lavi, and Linali) had been taking classes as well. It had been three months since they first came here, and they did not like it here.

It was the last class before winter break, Astronomy. Now normally, the 5th Gryfindors would be cheering, but not now. Why? Because:

The class was with _**Slytherin**_.

Malfoy was complaining about the lack of proper teachers and the presense of Muggle-born students at the school (he called them Mudbloods in a way that made it sound as if the word itself was filthy enough to make him throw up).

However, none of those complaints were accompanied by hatred as intense as the ones about the people called the Golden Trio. Allen, hearing Malfoy's insults about his friends, Harry, Ron, and Hermione, began to think of a way to get the Slytherin boy to regret his words.

"Hey, guys," a tense Allen growled, "Malfoy is badmouthing us - _again_."

"What else is new?" Harry deadpanned, not particularly interested. He was used to Allen informing them about every Potter-bashing word Malfoy uttered, but Allen's next words froze him on the spot.

"Well," Allen said. "He called the Weasleys blood traitors, and Hermione the most foul Mudblood ever to walk the corridors of Hogwarts. He also said Harry was a little freak who dares to oppose the Dark Lord ("No surprise there," Ron cut in.), and he called me a gluttonous, idiotic, slobby freak with white hair." After listing everything off, Allen was a bit short of breath.

All the people in the vicinity hoped the Golden Trio would be able to keep their temper. However, they were disappointed.

Enraged, Harry and Ron screamed, "_What? That little - he's asking for his arse to be beat_! " And although Hermione did not raise her voice, the hostile aura around her was enough to make the other students decide to take another route to their classes.

"Don't worry guys. I have a _very_ good idea for payback." Allen said while cackling evilly with a shadow in his face. The Golden Trio were scared of the new perspective of Allen, but when he said payback, they listened intentlly as Allen developed his plan.

"The plan will place on Sunday in the Room of Requirement. We'll challenge Malfoy to Poker, and you know Malfoy will accept. We will play poker." Allen said. The Golden Trio wondered where was the payback, and Allen, seeing their confused faces, continued.

"Now this doesn't sound too evil, right? The trick is, a loser of the winner's choice must do _**anything**_ the winner tells them to do, but only one thing." Allen finished. The trio were drawn in by the idea, but they were still reluctant.

"What that cheating scumbag wins?" Ron snarled, not wanting to be a target in one of those if Malfoy were to win.

"There's that, but I _don't lose_, at least to him. I'd rather starve." Allen snarled. He also added in a lighter tone, "You guys can win every once in a while so you can torture him too."

The trio looked on in horror as Allen became **very** demonic as he said 'don't lose'. They unanimously were for the plan, seeing as Allen would rather starve than lose to Malfoy, and the boy ate a lot.

Ron also added, "Thanks for letting us win sometimes mate. Now I can torture him too." "Me too." Harry said "Don't forget me!" Hermionie yelled.

The next day, a school owl flew torwards the Slytherin prince. Malfoy glared at the beast, ripped the letter off, and grumbled about how his privacy was being breached, seeing as he had two idiotic walls called bodyguards and a prositute named Pansy all over him and fussing over his every action. On the letter was;

_You are __**way**__ too annoying. how bout a game of Poker to make the anoyance stop? Winner tells one of the losers to do something, and the loser _must_ do i, unless it's dieing. No one else has a say in. Come to the room on the seventh floor across the portrait of a man being mauled by Giants, alone. Anyone else will be forced outside. No telling anyone what or why you're doing it either._

_- Allen Walker, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, & Ron Weasley._

As he read and reread the letter, Malfoy measured the pros and the cons of accepting this request.

If he won, he could force stupid Potter to torture Weasley, but if he lost, not only would lose the game, but he would also lose his pride, dignity, and - God forbid - his virginity (although to whom he didn't want to know, let alone want to know, _especially not _the cow _Pansy Parkinson._ ).

However, in the end, the though of beating the Golden Trio at something overweighed all his conscience had to say against the matter, and Malfoy accepted the invite without further debate.

We now find, sitting around a table with their cards in hand, a poor sap, sitting with the evil poker player, and the Golden Trio.

The room they sat in was Untraceable: nobody, not even Dumbledore, would be able to find it.

That, of course, left the five to play their game in peace. Sitting between Harry and Malfoy, Allen (who was the only person patient enough to sit beside Malfoy without spilling blood) was dealing.

On Harry's other side was Ron and Hermione. They had decided that, with every new hand, the dealer's role would be passed on to the person on their left. 

(Okay, that was confusing, even for **me** the **authoress. **The seating order is:

HarryCard spaceAllen

RonHermionieMalfoy)

"Call.", everyone said as they sat around the table. "On the count of three, show your cards! 1, 2, 3!", Allen cried and everyon threw their cards down.

Silence permeated the air. Then suddenly a voice rang out.

_"DAMMIT!'_

The voice belonged to Ron. He was groaning as he found himself with a pair of jacks. Hermionie was scowling darkly as she compared her three sixes, with Harry's pair of queens and kings. Malfoy though, had a 2, 3, 4, 5, & 6. The Golden Trio all groaned and looked as if they ate a whole lemon.

_"Shit on a cracker!"_ Ron and Harry yelled. "The only way Malfoy will lose is if Allen has a straight flush or a better straight." Hermionie said as she sneered at the cards.

"I bet Malfoy rigged the cards, the little bastard.", Harry said. Allen however, only smirked an evil smirk that reminded everyone there of the devil on his black face and laid down his cards.

An Ace, King, Queen, Jack, and ten; all in diamonds.

Allen smiled darkly and said, "Well Mr.Malfoy," Malfoy looked like Allen was the devil, and he dreaded what he was about to do. "I want you to pay this." and Allen threw Malfoy a twenty foot long list.

The pale boy agreed in a heart beat and cooly scanned the list, trying to recover his dignity. As he went farther down though, his jaw kept dropping, until he reached the end.

At the end, Malfoy's jaw was on the floor, and his eyes were popping out of his sockets. Congratulations Malfoy, you are now a fish out of water!

In the Dark Lord's planning room, Lucius sneezed. He felt a chill go up his spine. ' Odd, it feels like a black hole has appeared in my vault.' he thought.

Voldemort then stood and asked, "Malfoy, did you just _sneeze _as I was talking?" while taking out his wand. 'Oh shit! I gonna get hurt no matter what I answer.' Lucius thought. Lucius said no, and Voldemort said, "_Crucio!"_.

"Hey mate, what'd you give him?", Ron asked, while starring at the gaping Malfoy. "Well Ron, I gave him the debts my master usually makes me pay." Allen answered, being freed of the usually monstrous debts.

"How much was that?" Hermionie asked. "In your currency, about 10,000 galleons, 1,500 sickles, and 500 knuts." Allen cackled. The Golden Trio gasped.

As Allen had a tiny himself doiung a happy dance, the Golden Trio saw a chibi Allen with horns, a tail, red trench coat, who was cackling like the devil who recieved a new soul to torture.

"No way in hell am I gonna pay this!", Malfoy said, as he snapped out of his stupor. "It's either that, or say something nice about Dumbledore and Muggles in **public.**" Allen countered.

Malfoy gulped, and took the less embarassing route. "Fine, I'll give you the money!", Malfoy yelled, flustered and angry.

In one hour, Malfoy gave Allen the money. A cheery Allen then sent alotted money to Cross. Cross however, only smiled and spent it on even **more** booze and women.

"Now for the second hand!", Allen cackled evilly, as the debt he usually worked his ass of to pay was paid by a retard.

The other Hogwarts students however, only smiled weakly and agreed.

They were afraid that Allen would kill them if they did not comply. Malfoy shuffled and passed the cards around, cheating so he got a good hand. Everyone called or folded, then laid their cards down, which were,...

That's the first chapter. I warn you now, the rest of the chapters will only have one or two hands played, so they will obviously be shorter. If you have an ideas on what to do to victims, please send me a review or PM. Thank you! :-)


	2. Horrible, Horrible Pranks

Merry Christmas folks! Here's the second chappy. Thank you to YuZuki-sama969 for editing.

Disclaimer: This is **FAN**fiction,net, so I obviously **don't** own -man and Harry Potter. That right belongs to the awesome Katsura Hoshino-sama and Ms. J. K. Rowling respectively.

**Chapter 2: The Horrible, Horrible Prank**

In Ron's hands were a pair of aces. Hermionie had a less than good pair of tens. Harry beat both of them by getting a flush of hearts, but Malfoy creamed them all with a ten, jack, queen, king, and ace in diamonds.

Well, Ron was now thoroughly pissed, and cursing up a storm. Hermionie, of course, stopped Ron from saying too obscure things. "Damn! Shit! Goddamn mother-" "RON!" "Sorry 'Mionie."

As Ron smiled apologetically at Hermione, Harry glared daggers, knived, and anything sharp he could imagine at Malfoy, who sat and stared back smugly. None of the Golden Trio was happy with the results: if looks could kill, only God knew how many times Malfoy had been roasted in hell so far. 

Everyone then noticed Allen, and how calm his dark face looked. "Why the hell are you still calm? Malfoy's gonna beat us!", Harry yelled. Allen did not say a word and just laid his cards down instead.

Silence echoed in the room, and the tension was high. Malfoy was speechless. Ron's face was a split image of Trewlawney's face, what with the big googly eyes, and mouth wide open.

Hermionie was stunned, and she looked like she failed her O.W.L.s. Harry however, had a delighted grin on his face.

For Allen's cards were, an eight, nine, ten, jack, and queen, in hearts.

Finally, a loud whoop permeated the silence and cut the tension like a chainsaw.

Said whoop came from Ron, who then danced around, just waiting for the punishment to be known.

"What's the punishment?", Ron asked. "Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?" Ron finally shut up when he realized Hermionie cast a Silencing Charm on him.

"Oh just shut up, or I'll hex your balls, _Ronald_.", Hermionie yelled. Ron, knowing when to shut up, and being called Ronald was a warning, shut up quickly.

Allen nodded to himself and told Malfoy, "Okay. You have two options Malfoy. The first, is to wear this." and Allen pulled out a bunny suit, nose, whiskers, and a carrot "and hop around in it for an hour, or put this" here Allen showed a banner that said 'Gryfindors Rock!' "up in the Great Hall, over the Slytherin table, until lunch is over. Now, pick your poison." Allen finished.

Malfoy thought seriously. If he went with option 1, he would be a laughing stock and beat up so badly, it'd seem like he was in hell.

If he went with the banner, he shuddered at it, he'd be kicked out of Slytherin, still be beat up, disowned, AND Voldemort would kill him. '_I'll go for the less dangerous way.' _ Malfoy thought, and he said, "I'll go with the bunny suit."

Malfoy caught the bunny suit Allen threw at him and put it on. It was pink and white on the belly. The ears were furry and connected so that they form a heart. There was a red heart on the stomach and the tail was a cotton shaped one as big as two of his fists. The nose was a black clown one with the wiskers attached. Once he finished putting it on, he ran outside and hopped around, eating the carrot.

The others ran outside and laughed their butts off. Allen took a video camera out of one of his pockets and recorded Malfoy hopping around.

Hermionie however, saw and asked, "Allen, how'd you get a camera to work in Hogwarts?" Allen answered, "Well, I found the spell on how to charm electronics to work in Hogwarts and put it on the video camera." "Oh." was all Hermionie could say.

Ron and Harry were loving it too. "Oh crud, I'm gonna die from laughter if Malfoy does this again.", Ron sniggered. "Yeah. Me too.", Harry said in between laughs and gasps for air.

After an hour of hopping around, a bruised Malfoy came back in the room.

By bruised, I mean he's black, blue, purple, and sore all over from being beat up by students who saw Malfoy in the suit as a chance for revenge.

After Ron and Harry's laughing died down, and Malfoy was healed, Malfoy passed the cards onto Hermionie, who shuffled and passed out the new round of cards.

After cards were fairly passed out everyone looked at their hands. Ron had a six, seven, eight, nine, and four.

Harry, who had very good hands so far, had three jacks and two threes.

Malfoy had four hearts and one spade(which ones are not important).

Allen had a six, seven, five, three, and four. Hermionie had a queen, pair of aces, and a pair of twos.

Ron threw out the three and drew a two. Harry kept his hand as is. Malfoy threw away the spade and drew a club.

Allen, who chose to lose this one time, threw away his whole hand and drew an ace, two, five, queen, and jack, all of different suits. Hermionie threw away her queen and got a two in return.

When they threw down the cards one, by one, Ron looked horrified, Harry looked estatic, Malfoy looked even paler than a ghost, Allen was as calm as its definition described, and Hermionie looked rather joyful.

Harry, who had one thought long and hard on who to pick. He was stuck between Malfoy and Allen. He wanted to pick Allen so he could learn more about the boy, and Malfoy for some payback.

In the end, he chose Allen, so when Malfoy thinks he's clear, he's targeted again. " Okay Allen,", Harry said, whilst Hermionie and Ron looked stupefied "What was your childhood like?"

Malfoy, who was obviously overjoyed at not being picked, listened closely so he could use the information as blackmail.

Allen, who already thought about the question, just explained about the happier memories he had and the ones with Cross that did not involve punishments or gambling.

Allen then cast a memory charm on Malfoy so he thought Allen had a boring life in the wizarding world. The Golden Trio was shocked at Cross' behavior, but didn't pry any further (which was hard to believe).

As Friday was over as soon as Allen finished his happier life story, they all left and promised to come back to the room by 10:30 the next morining.

That's the second chappy. Please review and tell me what you think. I need suggestions about punishments or dares! Please tell me any idea you have. The next chappies will be out on New Years Eve and one on New Years. Thank you and goodbye!


	3. Pick Your Poison Guys

New Years Eve is here! Yay! The year is almost over! This chapter is now edited. My beta just got a new computer.

Disclaimer: If I owned D. Gray man, Kanda would be nicer and a girl! If I owned Harry Potter, Harry would have hooked up with Ginny during fourth year! So I obviously **don't** own D. Gray-man or Harry Potter. That right belongs to the genius writers Katsura Hoshino-sama and Ms. J. K. Rowling, respectively.

**Ch 3: Pick Your Poison Guys**

The next day in the Room of Requirement, Ron fumbled with the cards Hermionie passed him. He was terrified at the prospect of Malfoy winning.

If Malfoy won, he would definitely dare Harry to use the Cruciatus curse on somebody, and Ron wildly came to the conclusion that Malfoy would be choosing him as Harry's target.

Determined not to let that happen, Ron passed put the card with determination of Malfoy getting a bad hand.

Unfortunately, it didn't work.

Harry ended up with a three of a kind. Allen got a pair of threes. Malfoy held getting two pairs. Hermionie recieved a pair of queens. Ron recieved nothing.

After everyone drew new cards, they laid their hands down one at a time. Harry had a full house. Allen, who forced himself to lose again, got two pairs of threes and twos.

Malfoy got a better full house. Hermionie got two pairs. Ron miraculously got a four of a kind of kings.

Everyone stared.

The silence in the room was deafening.

That is, it was until Ron got up and did a victory danced and mooned Malfoy, while yelling, "IN YOUR FACE! IN YOUR FACE!"

Once Ron calmed down, which took a hit from one of Hermionie's big books, he thought and tried to think of a dare.

"Well looky here. Seem's Weasley has some luuck after all. Must be because he sucks at everything else, so he must have some good trait.", Malfoy drawled

Thanks to that comment, Malfoy became Ron's victim. He was stuck between, Allen's banner, making Malfoy run around yelling I'm an idiot, forcing Malfoy to kiss Parkinson, and castrating the little mini-Lucius. In the end though, he just went with the kissing dare.

"Okay Malfoy, you have to kiss _Pansy Parkinson_ in the Great Hall at lunchtime in _public,_ orlose at quidditch to all the houses.", Ron taunted.

Malfoy paled. That was one of the things Draco did _not_ want to do as a dare. Upon that huge list, kissing or sleeping with Pansy was # 2, while losing the qudditch tournament was # 3. They were recently kicked out of # 1 & 2 respectively, beaten by paying Cross' debts.

Malfoy believed losing the tournament was better than kissing Parkinson, and her stalking him everywhere. So, Malfoy agreed to the losing at qudditch. He even promised on his magic that he would.

Lucky for them, they could test Malfoy, since today was a Quidditch match: Hufflepuff versus Slytherin.

The match, inshort of a better word, was apalling to the Slytherins and absolutely marvelous for the other houses. Slytherin was creamed.

The final score was 450 to 150. Slytherin lost. To everyone besides the Gryffindor quartet, it was odd that Malfoy did nothing but sit high in the air.

His captain waas rather pissed and yelled at him for being a stupid, unresponsive, wall who'll make Slytherin lose the cup, AGAIN.

The quartet however, laughed as Malfoy got chewed out. Hufflepuf, however, did not believe they won, but once it sunk in, the entire house whooped, cheered, and had a party in it's common room.

Snape seemed very pissed off. You see, Snape bet ten galleons that Slytherin would cream Hufflepuff.

Proffessor Sprout did not like the jab at her house's incompetence and bet that Hufflepuff would win. Dumbledore sided with Proffessor Sprout too. So, Snape lost 40 galleons, Sprout won twenty galleons, and Dumbledore won twenty galleons.

Needless to say, there was a major uproar. And so, the quartet and Malfoy decided to continue the next day.

Here's my third chapter! Have a happy last day of 2007! Also, I need a new beta. Anyone who would like to send me your e-mail so I can send the next couple of chapters your way.


	4. Really Horrible Punishment

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Say Hi to 2008 peoples! Time to kick 2007 away! This has been beta'd

**Ch 4: Really REALLY Horrible Punishment**

It's been a couple of days since the last game(today is Sunday). It seemed that Malfoy needed to take a few days to appease his pissed house.

Allen took this time to report any odd things he's seen to Koumi. All four Gryffindors however, took this time to finish homework. It was now December 20th. This was to be the last hand before they continued the day after Christmas.

Harry took the cards from Allen and skillfully shuffled the cards and passed them out before a shocked Hermionie and Malfoy.

Ron noticed the stares and said, "What? Oh, you're probably wondering how Harry did that." a nod of heads here.

"To answer that, well, Allen here taught Harry how to shuffle."Ron finished, jerking his thumb at the white haired boy.

Allen blushed and said, "I just gave him a few pointers." Harry shot back, "No you didn't. I sucked at shuffling, and you taught me how to shuffle. That's all there is to it."

The cards were taken, and at least three of them were groaning. Those three were Harry, Malfoy, and Ron.

Harry had a six, nine, jack, four, and two. Allen had a four of a kind of fives. Malfoy had a three, a ten, a five, a king, and a seven. Hermionie had a six, ten, queen, nine, and two, all in hearts. Ron had a queen, ace, eight, a two, and a seven.

Harry got rid of his six, two, and four, and drew a ten, queen, and king. Allen kept his cards. Malfoy threw away his king and seven. He redrew a four and six. Hermionie kept her cards too. Ron threw away his whole hand. He recieved a pair of tens.

Once everybody laid down their cards, there were mixed reactions. Harry was proud that he got third place.

Allen was glad that Malfoy did not win and he had a new sucker to pay the newest of his Master's many debts.

Malfoy was mad and grumbled because he had worst hands than a 'mudblood', 'scar-headed freak', & the 'creepy little demon boy'. Hermionie sqquealed in delight as she found herself in second place.Ron groaned as he found himself with the worst hand.

Allen was now at a crossroads. He could make Malfoy either pay Cross' debt, proclaim that Slytherin was second-rate and that Gryffindor is better, or sleep with Pansy Parkinson.

Allen decided he would make Malfoy sleep with Parkinson, then he would win the next hand and make Malfoy pay another debt.

With that evil little plan in his head, Allen chuckled darkly. His face was covered in shadow and made him look evil.

Malfoy and the others saw that look and cringed. That look meant that Allen's victim will be very, very, VERY tortured. Malfoy especially felt very, VERY scared.

Quietly, Allen softly said, "Well Malfoy. I only have one dare for you to do. Either do that or kill yourself. Do you accept?" Malfoy listened carefully and accepted.

"Okay then." Allen said. He continued in an evil voice, "Your dare is to sleep with Pansy Parkinson."

At those words, Malfoy promptly choked and gagged. Ron and Harry looked at Allen as if the white haired boy was a saint who just killed Voldemort.

Hermionie was trying, and failing to hide a smirk. She was mad at the suggestion, but it was a good idea.

Allen just looked as innocent as he was when he was five, but the Golden Trio and Malfoy _still_ saw a devil Allen dancing in their heads.

Malfoy said, "You can kiss my ass first!" Allen replied, "Remember what you have to do if you decline."

Of course Malfoy remembered and wanted to live a _splendid _life, _alive, _so he agreed to sleep with Parkinson. Since no one wanted to watch that, they had Malfoy swear on his magic that he would do so, and Malfoy did.

Now, there was a Christmas party for each house in their respective common room, so they decided to leave the game like that.

Since tomorrow would be Christmas Eve, everyone decided to not play the next two days, and the last day of Winter break, which left four more days of playing cards. After bidding each other nasty, sarcasm filled goodbyes, everyone left their seemingly favorite place in school.

Malfoy shakingly walked to the Slytherin common room, filled with dread about his upcoming dare. _This _was one of the reasons that he did not want to play with the 'goody, little Gryffindors'.

Now, it came true. _'On the bright side'_, he told himself, '_At least I'm not paying another bill.' _That was the only good news, but even that filled him with dread. Soon enough, he reached the Syltherin common room just as he figured a plan to fullfill his newest dare. He said the password 'Snakes Alive' and walked into a big party.

During the party, he spiked Pansy's punch, and while she walked to her room to sleep, Malfoy kidnapped her and did the deed.

Needless to say when she woke up the next morning, she was very, _very _happy, while Draco was horrified. When he went to breakfast, she stalked him everywhere. Finally, he pushed her aside and yelled, "Quit stalking me. Last night was nothing but a joke. You are a slut. An undignified, dirty slut. Leave me ALONE." Pansy then ran away, with tears streaming down her face. Unfortunately, everyone in the great Hall watched and heard the exchange.

The four Gyffindors watched the exchange with silent amusement. Finally, all four of them laughed their butts off.

George asked what happened, and he got the muffled reply of, "Draco slept with Pansy. You can see it on her face!" George spread the word and soon every student in the Great Hall were laughing their butts off and ridiculing Malfoy.

Malfoy ran into the Room of Requirement and broke down, unable to stand the ridicule and undignified activity of last night. Of course, The Gryffindors followed him and taped Malfoy crying with the charmed video camera from chapter two.

Once in the common room, they showed the video to every Gryffindor who would watch. Needless to say, the Gyffindors named Allen, Harry, Hermionie, and Ron the heroes of Gyffindor.

There's the chappy! Please review and tell me what went wrong or right. Unfortunately, school starts tomorrow, so I can't update until weekends.


	5. The Oddness That is Dumbledore

Sorry for the REALLY long wait. I'm running outta ideas. This chapter is dedicated to the person who gave me the idea, KiyoiYume! Thanks a lot! This chapter is unedited for now. To all Chinese people, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

**Disclaimer:** For obvious reasons, I do not own D.Grayman. Those reasons are long, but the most important one is, **I am NOT Katsura Hoshino!**

**WARNING!! EXTREMELY CRAZY, OOC DUMBLEDORE!**

Without further adieu, the fifth chapter is here.

**The Oddness That is Dumbledore's Office**

It was now the day after Christmas. After Malfoy's obviously bad treatment of Pansy, all the Gryffindors chose to make Malfoy's life a living hell. And so, they chose to do it, with the poker match.

Once again in the room, Malfoy was sweating profusely at the sight that he encountered. What was the sight?

It was Allen, Harry, Hermionie, and Ron with murderous looks on their faces, and if you concentrated hard enough, you could hear Satan squeal in fright.

Flames appeared behind the quartet, and you could see a spot with an arrow in it saying 'Welcome to Hell. population: Draco Malfoy's soul.

Malfoy was shoved in his seat and the hand began. Fluidly, Allen shuffled and dealed the cards.

Of course, Malfoy ended up with a horrible hand. Hermionie had a pair of kings, Ron had a three of a kind three, and harry had a four of a kind fours. Allen, ended up with, a suprise hand.

After Malfoy got new cards(he was the only one to do so), which sucked more than his original hand, he laid his cards. Then Hermionie, then Ron, then Harry. When they reached Allen, with one and, Allen put his crads in a fan position and laid them down.

Everyone saw the cards and time seemingly stopped. In his hand was **a ROYAL FLUSH OF SPADES.**

Malfoy knew he was screwed, yet his pride told him to stay, while his brain said _'FORGET YOUR PRIDE AND RUN FOR YOUR LIFE DUMMY!' _Of course, Malfoy sided with his pride, and stayed.

Allen's face was black, and you could see the evil smirk on his face. Malfoy paled, and hoped that it wasn't another debt.

"Malfoy", Allen uttered softly, "You must go into Dumbledore's office, take his pheonix, and bring it here." Malfoy, to say the least was shocked. _'It should be easy.' _Malfoy thought.

And we find Malfoy twisted into a pretzel. What happened?

Well, Malfoy walked in Dumbledore's office and tripped, on a lemon drop. Then, when he got up, his pants magically fell down, revealing pink boxers.

Then, when he reached the pheonix, Fawkes looked at him, and blew a raspberry at him. When Malfoy grabbed Fawkes, Dumbledore came barging in and shot everything with a stunning spell.

That included paintings, telescopes, and some of Fred and George's rockets, which exploded. Then, Dumbledore yelled, "Alright Great Uncle Al, the coast is clear." No, Great Uncle Al is not a ghost. Dumbledore is just crazy.

Malfoy, hearing this 'exchange' with Dumbledore, broke out in ahearty guffaw. Instantly, Dumbledore turned to him and roared, "GET OUT OF HERE DAMMIT!"

Malfoy didn't need to be told twice, so he transfigured Fawkes into a knut(he never had those with him) and ran back to the room. Dumbledore just ran out to the doorway, only to trip on the lemon drop Malfoy tripped on.

Back in the room, Malfoy transfigured Fawkes back. Fawkes looked at the Gryffindors, as if asking, 'Why am I here?'

Allen just said Malfoy was being an idiot and they wanted Fawkes to claw at him. Fawkes actually hated all Malfoys, so he gladly attacked Malfoy.

Fawkes ripped every piece of clothing and every inch of face and body parts. Malfoy demanded, "WHY?!" All he recieved was killing intent and ANOTHER devil smirk, this time coming from a pheonix.

Of course, Malfoy flushed, as he was embarassed at being beat up by a bird, and fainted from blood loss not a moment later. Fawkes nodded its head to our heroes and left.

Malfoy was dragged to the hospital wing by our heroes, where he was patched up and left immediately. Madame Pomfrey didn't mind, as Malfoy obliviated her.

As they went into the room, Harry and Ron laughed so hard, they had trouble breathing. Allen and Hermionie smothered their laughs, but were laughing like crazy in their head.

Unfortunately for poor Malfoy, all he heard was the evil cackles of the Gryffindors, Fawkes(who had already left), and Satan(remember in the beginning of the chapter? Yeah, him).

Everyone stopped what they were doing and decided to end the game for today, and meet tomorrow. Malfoy agreed and when he left, he was relieved and thought the evilness was all over.

Let's not delude him.

And there it is! Once again thanks to KiyoiYume. Wait until my next chapter!

To all Chinese people(like me), _**Happy Chinese New Year!**_

Bye!


	6. Malfoy's Interesting Adventure

Okay peoples, I'd like to dedicate this chapter to embren. Her awesome stories have inspired this chapter.

I have also realized that I have not put in the other exorcists, so I'm adding them in the bottom of the chapter. As such, with what embrenn has suggested I do to Malfoy in this chapter, this will probably be THE longest chapter I've ever written. Think of it as a gift for waiting for me to update.

**Disclaimer****:** I **don't **own D.Grayman. If I did, I wouldn't be writing **FANFICTION**! D.Grayman belongs to Katsura Hoshino, who probably wouldn't sell D.Grayman for anything. And JK Rowling owns Harry Potter, not me. Hell, she even wrote a copy of that stupid Beatles and the Bard book from Deathly Hallows!

**WARNING:**** THERE IS DIMENSION TRAVELLING! READ AT OWN RISK! ALSO, I WILL BE ADDING AN OC TO JOIN THE FUN, BASED ON EMBREN.**

The sixth chapter! READ MY DUCKIES!

**Malfoy's Interestng Adventure**

Okay, it's been a day since the pheonix incident. Of course, Harry and the other three loved it. They knew Dumbles was crazy, so they decided to make Malfoy's new punishment involve the loony, powerful man.

Once everyone was present, Malfoy took the cards, shuffled, and gave himself a good hand, a pair of threes, a pair of sixes, and a king. Hermionie, Ron, and Harry had rather bad hands. Not one single combination. Allen had a single pair, of twos. Their responses were a pout, a growl, a glare, and a tear in their eye? Yes Allen had a tear in his eye. Not because of his hand, but because his friends made him so proud. Why was he proud? Because he knew they were all thinking death threats, mutilation, or torture of a poor platinum blonde. Usually, Allen would not be proud of said fact, but Malfoy was VERY irritating, and even made the ever patient Allen short-tempered. Yes, it's possible, though no one could actually do that, not even Kanda!

Of course, our heroes and heroine drew new cards. Hermionie got a pair of aces. Ron got nothing, again, and thought _'What was the point of drawing new cards'. _Harry got a pair of fours. Allen merely smiled at his new hand and laid them facedown onto the table. As everyone laid their cards, the three murderous Gryffindors were _livid_. Allen however, had a completely neutral face that betrayed none of his emotions.

Once everyone but Allen laid their cards, Allen slowly and laid his cards down. The suspense was so thick, you can cut it with a monomolecular butcher knife. Of course, Allen was very suspenseful. Finally, Allen laid down his cards. They were:

A nine, ten, jack, eight, and seven of multiple suits.

Silence permeated the air, and Malfoy was inwardly crying, cursing, and praying for God to sympathize with him, all at the same time. Ron, Harry, and Hermionie were however, estatic. "What's he gonna do? Huh? Huh? Huh?", Ron all but screamed Allen's head. "Easy.",Allen said, "Malfoy" The blonde looked at his torturer. "You must go in Dumbledore's office, and use his dimension transporter thingy. Yes, Dumbledore has one of those." Malfoy just stared in horror. _'I have to u_s_e some retarded machine that takes me to a RANDOM DIMENSION!?', _was his thought. Allen had gone up a notch, from 'stay away' to 'GET THE FUCK WAY FROM HIM NOW!' on Malfoy's 'who to be involved with' scale.

Once again, Malfoy snuck into Dumbledore's office, tripped on a lemon drop, and lost his pants. It was very easy to see the dimension transporter thing. It had a giant sign that said 'Dimension Transporter Thingy' in neon green with an arrow pointing to it. It was small, round, and looked like a braclet. Even wierder, there was an instruction manual. The manual read 'To activate, keep the machine on your person and say 'ansport-tray e-may' while waving your wand.' (I believe that is transport me in Pig-Latin. XP). Malfoy did as the manual said, and a bright green glow surrounded him, then he faded into nothingness.

_**In Our World, NYC**_

Emily, a 14-year old was in her room, reading D.Gray-man manga while thinking of new ideas for her fic 'Days of Our Lives' (READ IT! IT IS AWESOME!). When suddenly, a large green circle started to appear on the middle of the floor. Then, a green glow expanded to cover her whole room. Emily, who was a fan of all things odd and retarded as called by others, waited for the glow to disappear.

Once the glow died down, Emily examined the being on her floor. He was platimun blonde and had pale skin. He wore a uniform she only saw in Harry Potter movies, white dress shirt, black pants, dress shoes, and black robes with a green and silver crest with the emblem of a snake over his left breast. In a pocket in the robe was a stick and a small, round, braclet and instruction manual. Emily immediately took the items in the boy's pocket then she thew dirty water out of a goldfish bowl at him.

He got up and said, "Where the hell am I?" Emily, being just as rude, said, "Who the hell are you?" Malfoy looked shocked and said, "I am Draco Malfoy you stupid muggle." "Oh. So you're that idiotic ferret kid, right?", Emily asked innocently. Draco sputtered. He really wanted to forget that memory. "How the hell do YOU know about that?", he yelled. "Because here, you are a character in a movie and book series." "At least I'm the main character right?" "Nope. You are the rival of the main charaacter see." and Emily showed him a Harry Potter book. Malfoy skimmed it, and exploded, "WHAT?! That scar freak is the hero? What messed up world is this?" "I dunno", Emily answered, "I haven't figured that out yet. You wanna lemon drop?" Emily showed him a lemon drop and Malfoy passed out from information overload.

Emily saw this as a great prank opportunity. So, she took out a memory modifying device (bought at memory modifiers r us) and got Malfoy to think terroists were on the loose. Satisfied with herself, she whacked him with a fish, which broke upon impact, and he woke up. Malfoy wondered why he was lying on the floor, and not a bed with 100-thread sheets. Then, he remembered the terroists he saw. So, he ran down to the police station yelling, "TERRORIST ATTACKS!" once he got inside.

The poor police man in the station, let's call him Bob, immediately called the SWAT team and said, "Where are the terroists?" Malfoy thought really hard, and said, "I dunno. I just know there are terrorists here." Bob glared at Draco and said, "EVERYONE knows terroists are in America. Think of the Iraq bombers from 9/11. Now get out of here." So, Bob kicked Malfoy out, and Malfoy landed back in Emily's room, unconcious, where she glared at him for ruining her fish (you know, the one she slapped him with).

Emily had caused a bunch of havoc for one day, but wanted to cause more. So, she made sure he was asleep, and followed the first plan that came through her head. She gagged him, and made sure she had a parachute, rope, a claw, more rope, and her camera. She scaled the Empire State Building and tied him to the top and took multiple pictures. Then, she jumped all the way back down, and used her parachute to safely land.

When Draco woke up, he was sweatting bullets. I would have to if I was found on top of the tallest building in America. He was apparently caught up there by a security camera, and the same SWAT team from before appeared. They untied him, threw him in a containment unit, and dragged him to the bottom of the building. Once they were there, they released him and muttered, "Damn kid should just give us a valid reason to shoot him." Malfoy then passed out, where Emily dragged him none too gently to her house.

As Emily watched the idiotic boy sleep, she knew that she had some degree of magic in her, so she took Malfoy's wand and used a very powerful charm to turn him into a girl for 24 hours. Then, she cast a charm that made him want to hit on every male in Manhattan mall. Feeling that she caused enough havoc to sleep well, she went to sleep.(From this point on, Malfoy will be using she and her instead of he and his.)

The next morning, Malfoy woke up, and was pissed. She definetly needed to sleep with an eye open. She then put on a pair of jeans and hot topic shirt she found lying around the room, and walked all the way to Manhattan mall. There, she hit on every guy there, even though she tried not to. She even got a few phone numbers. A couple guys actually groped her, to which she slapped them and kicked their balls. She did not even notice a person 10 feet away taping the entire thing. When she got back to Emily's house, she quickly fell asleep, and the charm fell. Emily however, was on her computer making sure the tape she had of Malfoy as a girl was able to be shown anywhere.(Now, Malfoy will be using he and his again.)

The next morning, Malfoy saw the dimension transporter thing and grabbed it. Malfoy, being freaked out and did not want to be near the crazy girl sleeping in her bed, casted the spell, he was brought to Hogwarts.

_**Back at Hogwarts**_

Apparently, even though three days passed in Emily's dimension, only 20 minutes passed for everyone else. Suddenly, a bright green light enveloped the room. "What the-", Allen said, but stopped as the light died down. Then, you could see a very distressed Malfoy. "How was the trip?", Allen asked. Before Malfoy could answer, Emily suddenly appeared through a rip in the dimension, holding a scythe that promptly shrunk and went into her pocket.

"Awesome!", Emily cried. "Who the hell are you?", Ron said, which everyone else thought. "Oh. Must fix memories.", Emily said. She took out the memory fixing device and made everyone believe she's been there since the beginning, and that she went with Malfoy to tape what happened. "Oh. Hey Emily.", Ron said "Do you have the tape?" "Yes I do Ronald. But my wand broke, and I need to go to Diagon Alley.", Emily replied. "Okay. We'll get Dumbledore to bring you.", Hermionie said.

_**In Diagon Alley**_

Dumbledore allowed her to go as long as Allen and Harry came with her. Emily got all her supplies using Harry's money. She even bought an owl with blonde feathers and blue eyes and named it Embren.

While she was walking, an Akuma suddenly popped out of nowhere and started to attack people. Allen quickly activated his innocence, but was astounded when Emily did the same. "Innocence: hachido!", she cried, and the scythe in her pocket expanded and went straight into her hands.

Now, usually, Allen would associate the scythe with the devil, but Emily's scythe was pure white, had crosses all over the blade and glowed green. She quickly cut the air, and a dimension pocket appeared. She then jumped in the pocket, which dissappeared after her. Then, she popped up behind the akuma and cut it to shreds.

"Wow. Are you an excorsist?", Allen asked. "Yes. My scythe, Loki can rip holes in dimensions, allowing me to travel to any dimension I please and it can cleanse akuma. Basically, it is my transportaion and offense." "Wow. Can you use it to get us outside Dumbledore's office?", Allen asked. "Sure, hop in.", Emily said as she ripped a hole in the dimension. Allen and Emily jumped in and landed right outside Dumbledore's office.

"Hershey's", was the password Allen muttered and went into Dumbledore's office. Once in there, Dumbledore realized she had no house. He asked, "What house are you in miss.."

"Wait just a damn minute! My name is Emily, not miss, and I have no idea.", Emily said. Dumbledore then swept across the room looking quite majestic. Until he tripped on a lemon drop, making Emily laugh and Allen snicker.

Dumbledore got up to his feet, took the sorting hat out, and placed it on Emily's head. "Hmm.", the sorting hat thought. 'What's this I see?(He's seeing her in NY) I won't tell about that. Dumbledore needs a new student anyway. Cheeky little retard aren't you?' 'Hey!' 'Well, let's see. Not smart enough for Ravenclaw, not ambitious enough for Slytherin, and not just enough for Hufflepuff. But oodles of bravery, so' "GRYFFINDOR!", it finally cried.

"Okay. Mr. Walker, would you be so kind as to bring Ms. Emily to Gryffindor tower?", Dumbles asked. "Yes sir.", Allen replied. Allen swiftly ran out, with Emily following, out of the office and to where he knew an exorcist meeting was taking place.

Koumi was about to start the meeting, but realized Allen was not there. "Where's Allen?", Koumi asked. The replies ranged from "Who cares about that baka moyashi.(Must I say?)" to "I haven't seen him lately.(The two older exorcists)" and best of all, "I think he was with Harry and his friends.(Linali and Lavi)".

Suddenly, Allen ran in, with a girl right behind him. "Who's that?", Koumi asked. "This is Emily. She's an exorcist.", Allen replied. At the exorcist bit, everyone jumped out of their chairs and started asking questions like 'how?' or 'what?!' or 'how can that be?'.

Finally, Emily went over to the table, jumped up, and yelled, "SHUT UP GODDAMMIT!" Everyone immediately shut up and stared at her. Emily then said, "Yes I am an exorcist. It's my scythe Loki." and she showed her scythe that was pure white and had crosses on the blade. "As for how, I am not from this dimension. I got here using Loki's special abitlity, which is to rip through dimensions.

Basically, it's a transportation device and I can also use it to shred the akuma. Happy now?", she finished. Everyone besides Allen, who already knew all this, nodded. "Good." Linali rejoiced at the fact there was another female exorcist. Kanda was mad because he thought it was a waste of time. Lavi simply recorded everything he heard her say, hey, he was Bookman's apprentice after all. Koumi and the other adults didn't know what to think. Allen just smiled.

"Where are the Gryffindor common rooms?" she asked. Everyone sweatdropped at that. Koumi officially announced that the meeting was over and Linali, Lavi, and Allen brought her there.

In the common room, Emily thought about how to torture the other Noahs in her fanfic (Once again, READ 'DAYS OF OUR LIVES BY EMBREN!). Finally, she gave up and would send her editor (me!) a letter in the morning. She asked, "Are you guys trying to torture Malfoy and his goons?" Allen, and the Golden trio nodded and explained what they had been doing. "Cool. I wanna join!" And so she did.

In the Slytherin common room, Malfoy had a very bad feeling and shivered. He thought that that stupid girl from the other dimension left, and fell asleep hoping it was true. Let's not spoil it for him.

And there goes another chapter. Please tell me what you think, and here's a tiny bit of explanation for the next chapter.

_In the next chapter, school starts again. Emily is here to maake the school more fun. _

Well, I did add the other exorcists, since they need attention to. I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it and Embrenn enjoyed helping with it. If you enjoy this chapter, please read Days of Our Lives by embrenn. I will be helping her ruin the other Noah's lives soon enough. READ IT!

Please review! I would like more than I already have, but you don't have to.

Seeya!


	7. Emily's Day at Hogwarts

To everyone who is reading this now, wassup? Thanx for reading this, even though it is random, crazy, and includes ridiculous concepts! I would've posted this yesterday, but there were 'login/submission glitches'. Also, thanx to KiyoiYume for the awesome idea she said I should do to Malfoy!  
Emily - When do I go on?  
Me - Later, I'm trying to say the disclaimer!  
Emily - Ooh! Can I? Can I?  
Me - Sure!  
Emily - Yay! Okay. Mizukitsune10, or V-chan as I call her, does not own D. Gray-man. If we did, hell would've frozen and Jasdebi would not look like a, what's that word?  
V-chan - hemaphrodite  
Emily - yeah! that!

**Emily's Day at Hogwarts!**

Today was Emily's first day at Hogwarts, and also the first day back. She was having lots of fun so far. She has given all the Gryffindor girls bright puke green hair, except for Lenalee and stole the sorting hat. She also sent a letter to her friend V-chan (ME!) via owl. We now find the girl with Allen, Lenalee, Harry, Hermione, and Ron, with Malfoy shocked at the Slytherin table. 'What's she still doing here?' he thought.

"Why do you have the sorting hat on?" asked Harry, he was a little creeped out of what the girl could do. Emily was wearing the hat and playing solitaire while eating breakfast, she was having cheerios!! (part of a well balanced breakfast)

"He's my friend alright?! Don't diss the talking hat!!" she yelled. YEP, sugar was kicking in.

"Emily you retard! You're gonna lose!", the hat yelled (For the sake of simplicity, let's call the hat Bob).

"Dammit! I lost!" Emily yelled, she threw one of her cards towards the Sytherin table which sliced an apple in half. The Slytherins were horror struck

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WIN THE GOD DAMN GAME IF YALL KEEP TALKING?!" screamed Emily.

"Told you so idiot." Bob told her.

"You're so mean!" Emily sobbed. "That's why I like you!" she added.

Everyone around her who heard sweat dropped.

Potions Class!

This was the last class of the day. Potions. Snape was currently rambling on and on about animagus potions. He finally realized Emily was wearing the sorting hat and was trying to cause an explosion(Ooh. pretty colors!) while playing french solitaire twenty minutes into his speech.

"Emily! Why are you wearing the Sorting Hat in my class?!" Snape screeched.

"Because he teaches potions alot better than you do." Emily bluntly said to his face, she even had the nerve to keep such a bored face. this shocked the class, No one ever said that to SNAPE! (ever...)

Snape's eyes started watering and he huddled into his emo-corner(MY EMO CORNER SNAPE!), sobbing. Emily took two pieces of chewing gum, she gave one to the sorting hat and the other to herself.

"Whoa. He's so emo. I thought he was the school jackass?" Emily asked Bob who was chewing her gum, she was now beating the solitaire game.

"What are you talking about? He IS the school jackass, and school emo too." said Bob, he then made a bubble causing it to pop

"Oh." was Emily's college educational answer.

"No! Don't put that there dummy!" he suddenly yelled.

"Huh?" Emily said. She accidentally put a card in the wrong spot, and lost the game. "D'oh!" she cried. Emily huddled into her OWN emo corner, the talking hat was trying to calm her down.

Poker Time!

Emily was pissed since she lost the solitaire game, and vented out her stress in poker. She beat them all with a royal straight flush of spades, and was now thinking hard.

Finally, she let out evil, maniacal laughter that put Black Allen's laugh to shame. Malfoy was bugged eyed and seemingly frozen in place. Emily was one scary phsyco bitch that's for sure...

"Okay dumbass, since we all know I could maim, and physically, AND mentally kill you, I'll let you choose which one." Emily said.

Malfoy thought hard (Hm. Didn't know he could do that). Maiming was DEFINETLY out. (or is it?) He wanted to live thank you very much. (damn) So it was physical or mental. Either one would hurt, but he believed Emily was too dumb to be able to mentally torture. He'd go with the easier one.

Mental." He said. Unlike the reaction he expected, which was a pout; she smirked evilly, once again putting Black Allen to shame. Allen went to his emo corner. (DAMNNIT STOP TAKING MY EMO CORNER ITS MINE ASSHOLE!!)

"Okay. You must write a book dedicated to all the stupid, retarded and odd things that happened to you!" Emily yelled as she put a quill and stack of parchment in front of him.

"NEVER!" Malfoy screamed. Then, Emily took out her memory modifying machine and made Malfoy think his father wanted him to write said book and to dress up in a cocktail dress, Emily took pictures and decided to use it as the cover. (mwahahahahaha)

When Emily finished the memory modifying, Malfoy automatically grabbed the quill and parchment and began to write... Emily grabbed her camera.

Three hours later, a 80 page book was written. Malfoy got up to put it away, but Emily once again modified his memory. Then, she knocked him out with her trusty N00BINATOR frying pan and read the book aloud.

By the time she finished, all the kids besides Malfoy were on the floor, laughing. Emily then woke up Malfoy.

When he was finally awake, she waved the book in front of his face. Then, she took the book and sent it to a publishing company in the wizard world and titled the book: The failures and Odd Happenings of Draco Malfoy by Draco Malfoy. She also added a note that said to send a copy to every Hogwarts student by tomorrow for 10,000 galleons.

Malfoy cried, and put her right under Allen on the list of people to stay the hell away from.

Everybody went back to their rooms, except for Emily who sent a letter about what happened today to V-chan. She would be proud (hell yeah!)

They couldn't wait for the book to be published and sent tomorrow. Well, except for Malfoy. He just cried himself to sleep.

Me - Whatcha think?  
Em - AWESOME!  
Me - I was asking the readers.  
Em - Oh.  
Me - Don't worry, you already edited this. Okay, so please review and read my other D. Gray-man story 'Ask Them Yourself'. Once you do,  
Em - please vote on the poll on the top of her bio.  
Me - Thanx Em. The poll will be open till 6/2  
Em - Your Welcome.  
Both - REVIEW PLEASE!!


	8. Sugar Highs and WTF?

Me - Yo!

Emily - Wassup?

Me - We are here because we,

Emily - and you

Me - are about

Emily - to read

Both - THE NEWEST CHAPTER!! (both throws confetti at random people)

Me - Oh! Before I forget, I DO NOT OWN D.GRAY-MAN!!

Emily - If she did, it would be nearly as insane as her on sugar high.

Me - And me on sugar high is NOT good.

**Sugar Highs and WTF!? o.O**

Ah. A new day. The sun was shining, birds were singing, and Malfoy was singing show tunes while Emily, Allen, and the Golden Trio rotted in the dungeons of Hogwarts, and Emily had DID. NOT. HAVE. HER. FRYING. PAN. O.M.F.G.

-Wait. What the Fuck am I writing?!-

Sorry, what I meant to say was,

It was the oddest day you'd ever see. It was raining, and Malfoy was whimpering as he dreaded the morning post.

Emily on the other hand, was waiting impatiently for the morning post. Being the natural New Yorker that she is she was looking at her watch the whole time. She was wearing Bob and lost interest in her Mickey Mouse watch and played slapjack. She was waiting for both the book, and the replies V-chan was sure to send. (run away!)

Allen was just eating food at his oddly fast, but not slobbish pace. Lenalee was trying to figure out HOW Allen ate so fast and WHERE the food went, she began to take notes of all the hypothesis she could think of, while Harry and Ron were copying off of Hermonies' homework. (cause she's a smart ass bitch)

Finally, the morning post came. First came all the books, which were as you know, sent to every being in Hogwarts, yes, even the ghosts got a copy! (I wonder how they can hold it?)

Peeves and the other non-Slytherin houses were laughing, although the teachers were at least TRYING to hide their smirks.

An excerpt of the book:

_One of the worst days of my life was when Moody turned me into a weasel and bounced me around the courtyard, I WAS EVEN PUT INTO PANTS. Even worse, that wasn't the real Moody! It was just a Death Eater!_

Emily was far beyond hiding her laugh; she could be heard just about everywhere.

**In America**

V-chan looked up from her foot tall class work assignment. "I thought I heard Emily laughing." she mumbled.

"Why aren't you doing your work?" yelled her Algebra teacher Mr. C (named because the average grade in my algebra class is a C. Seriously, the lowest grade was a 3 percent on a test).

"Sorry!" she called out, and got back to simplifying basic trigonometric ratios. (Yes, I'm learning that.)

"Damn teacher and the fucking homework, I hate you all." mumbled V-chan.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!" screamed the teacher.

aw fuck O.O

**Back at Hogwarts**

Emily's laughter soon stopped once she got her letters from V-chan.

One was a basic letter, the other was a Howler.

Not even bothering to figure out who wrote both letters, she just opened the Howler and let it yell,

_**"WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WENT TO HOGWARTS?? I WOULD'VE ENROLLED THERE!  
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THE EXORCISTS ARE THERE TOO? DO YOU HATE ME OR SOMETHING??**_

_**OH WELL. WHAT'S DONE IS DONE.**_

_**BY THE WAY MAKE ABSOLUTELY SURE THAT YOU SEND ME A COPY OF MALFOY'S BOOK AND TAPE OF HIM IN NYC. THE REST OF MY NEWS IS IN THE OTHER LETTER. SEEYA!" **_

A good four seconds passed...

"MY EARSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!" screamed Emily.

After the Howler disintegrated, Emily slowly opened the other letter which read,

_Yo Emily!_

_How's Hogwarts? What idiotic things have you done to Malfoy? Have you taped it, or gotten some kinda proof? Things over here are going well. No one suspects that the you in NYC that I'm maintaining through the internet is a robot. I swear half the time; I think people around us are morons. Well, tell me how the card game goes, and I dare you to focus the next punishment on the Macarena, muggles, a wand (duh), brownies, and orange juice. Don't ask. My mind is going retarded on me. Blame the sugar rush I got after taking a yard long Pixy Stix and putting the powder in a fruit smoothie. So SUGARY! Bye-bye._

_Bleh. (It's my new word.)_

_- V-chan_

Emily giggled, and the earth stopped, everything and everyone was frozen at the sight.

-What the hell? Must be the sugar high.-

Emily smirked and snickered evilly. Then, as soon as she started, she stopped, and smiled a megawatt angelic smile.(who knew she had it in her...)

Everyone flinched. That look on her meant doom for the first person who ticks her off (Guess who).

The entire room, even the exorcists were silent. You could hear the dragons in Romania because of the silence. (ROMANIA!! sorry I love saying that word its funnnn -That was Emily, not me-)

"WHAT ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT?!" Emily yelled. Everyone quickly went back to what they were doing: laughing at Malfoy.

Speaking of the little bast- I mean Malfoy, he was embarrassed beyond belief. Even his own housemates were sniggering at him. He just kept moping to himself.

Suddenly, Dumbledore got up and said, 'Well, even though we have received this unique book, I have a staff to run, teachers have kids to teach, and you have classes, so onto class!"

There were reluctant groans, but everyone besides Malfoy put away their new bedtime book and then, everyone went to class.

Emily, Allen, Lenalee, and the Golden Trio and BOB walked up to Umbridge's class (except Bob who has no legs mwahahahaha). During that time, they were talking about the book.

"We shouldn't be so mean to Malfoy." Lenalee started (what an angel). Even though she immensely disliked that boy, she was not one to make fun of others.

"Are you joking Lena-chan? Malfoy deserved that!" Emily retorted.

"Really? Explain." Lenalee told her friend.

"Well Lenalee, he's very arrogant snobby and mean." Hermione stated.

"Besides, he wrote that by his own free will." Harry said. (not really, but what she doesn't know won't hurt her. ;) )

"Yeah. He knew he'd get laughed at." Ron added.

"But he wouldn't do that and you know it!" Lenalee said.

"Lenalee, what's done is done. There is nothing we can do about it. Do you think he'd take us seriously?" Allen asked rather calmly.

"I guess you're right." Lenalee said, finally submitting to the idea that Malfoy wrote the book of his own accord.

Everyone then just walked through the halls silently.

**Defense Against the Dark Arts**

(I needed some Umbridge bashing in this, didn't I?)

Umbridge was NOT having a good day. First, a very influential man's son wrote a degrading book about himself, then the Howler incident, and now she had a class with the suspicious new student who popped up in the middle of the year who received said Howler.

'God must hate me.' she thought to herself.

(I don't know about God hating her, but I do! God: Yeah. I hate her.)

Students walked in and sat at random tables. It was just her bad luck that Allen, Lenalee, and the new child, Emily sat in front of her desk with the three famous Gryffindors located at the table next to them.

"Well Ms. -" Umbridge began, but Emily interrupted her with "Just Emily mam... woooOOOWWW that's a lot of pink, may I suggest you try something to contrast it?" (btw Emily HATES PINK!).

This shocked her friends, who knew she was impolite and rude to everyone.

'What the hell is going on today?' they all thought.

"Hem hem. Well, Ms Emily, you have a lot of work to catch up on." Umbridge said.

"Mam, I've done all the work. Mr. Walker has shown me the previous lessons." Emily said, once again being very polite.

"Very good-" Umbridge began, but Emily interrupted her. "Mam, with all due respect, there is no point to your classes. We are here to learn how to defend ourselves, not how to read like nerds. AND NERDS POLUTE THE TEENAGE SOUL WE NEED CREATIVITY!" - I am a nerd, so that was Emily's idea. No offence to nerds.-

At that, Allen & co. were glad, because Emily was turning back to normal... sort of.

"Why do you believe that?" Umbridge said sweetly trying to hide her venom.

"Because the Ministry is being completely retarded and I'm sick of them, the Daily Prophet, and your Fudge sucks and he should kiss my ass if he wants me to read that crappy book!" Emily yelled, with Bob nodding in agreement. (It moved, HA!)

Umbridge flushed scarlet, getting ready to yell at the new student, but was interrupted again.

Don't even deny it! Besides, you are a horrible Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. I bet Bob could do a better job than you!" Emily yelled.

Meanwhile, the class watched awestruck as the new student (aka the crazy blond idiot who defiles teachers) went head-to-head with THE worst teacher they've ever had (aka the pink whore), well besides Gilroy and Quirrell.

"Who is this Bob person you speak of?" Umbridge asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.

"Oh. Bob's the Sorting Hat!" Emily replied cheerfully. (mood swings much?)

"Yeah! I'M Bob." the Sorting Hat said. (All hail the talking hat of d00m)

Umbridge gaped, as the entire class stared silently.

Finally, her eyes watered and she ran into the emo corner moping and cursing little transfer students and talking hats. ( WHAT'S WITH THE PEOPLE TAKING MY EMO CORNER?!)

Silence reigned supreme, until the class finally erupted in cheers, hoots, howls, and yells. They should have transfer students more often, they kick ass!

Emily smirked at her win, not unlike the one at breakfast, until she once again donned the innocent smile and sat down.

**Poker Time**

(The other classes are insignificant.)

Allen, Emily & co. finally ditched Lenalee (nnnoooooooooooooo!). Malfoy was already in the room, eyes burning with the determination to win.

Unfortunately for him, Allen was dealing. (again)

In the end, (I love that song XP) Malfoy was in third with two pairs. Ron was last with a pair of fives. Harry had a pair of tens. Hermione had a pair of queens. Allen, who came in second, had a straight flush.

But Emily creamed all of them with a four of a kind deuces (twos for those people who didn't know that).

Emily remembered what V-chan wrote, and thought hard, while smirking that evil smirk that scares even Satan and Orochimaru the pedophile. (That's a new one! - takes picture-)

"Okay Malfoy, you must come with me to New York City, where you will do the Macarena at Times Square for muggles, and then bake brownies and orange juice for them." Emily said, while silently adding that he would tape the whole thing.

Malfoy was ready to cry then and there, but unluckily for him, Emily had already grabbed him, took out Loki (remember her scythe from Ch 6? Yeah, that thing) and jumped in the vortex.

In NYC bitches!

NYC was in a hysterical fit.

Why?

Because a random (or so they think) boy in neon pink and puke green clothes was in Times Square and doing the Macarena. Everyone who had a camera phone took pictures, and Emily taped the whole thing.

Then at a random bakery, Malfoy was tying (key word is TRYING) to bake brownies. Emily just recorded and baited him to use magic.

"What are you afraid of? There's no Ministry here dumbass." Emily said

For once, Malfoy listened to her, and used his magic to make the brownies.

He gave them to random Muggles and the said it was delicious. Seriously. It could only happen if Malfoy used magic.

Emily nodded, glad that she taped all that, and brought them back to Hogwarts. She also sent the footage to V-chan as a gift and a sorry note for not telling her she was at Hogwarts.

"Gomen V-chan, Hope this makes you feel better." whispered Emily as Harry's Owl who she nicknamed the white wonder took the footage away... FAR AWAY...

"...WAIT WHITE WONDER THATS THE WRONG WAY!!" screamed Emily as she began to chase the white owl.

Poker Room

When the two blondes came back, Emily immediately showed the video to the others.

They hadn't laughed so hard in days.

Malfoy was positively embarrassed and prayed for someone to stop them.

Fortunately, Hermione came to her senses and said, "Shoot! It's almost bedtime. Let's hurry up and leave."

Everyone hurriedly ran to their common rooms, except for Emily, who walked slowly thinking of torture methods.

Finally, everyone went to sleep.

Malfoy was dreading the next day.

Allen was dreaming of a life with none of Cross' debts.

Harry dreamt of a world without Voldemort and with his parents alive and well.

Ron dreamt of being better than his brothers.

Hermione dreamt of being Head Girl.

But Emily, she thought of doing greater pranks, but needed help for her more eccentric plans. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on your point of view, only three people would have the balls to help her with what she wanted to attempt to do.

'Oh well. Only three people to call on for this.' she thought, and thought of ways to corner the three pranksters and getting them to help her.

Finally, she fell asleep.

Emily dreamt of a talking tomato, but somehow Malfoy got in the dream and popped her beloved Tomato friend.

Emily woke up from shock, It was 2 A.M in the morning.

"Malfoy your going to DIE FOR KILLING MR. TOMATO!!" screamed Emily. Along with waking the room causing an uproar, Malfoy had shivered for a moment... and it wasn't the good kind ether.

-Oh god. What have I done.-

V-chan - Please review, and flames are appreciated, cuz I suck at writing. Also, even though I've been updating rather quickly for me, please wait patiently, cuz I'm probably gonna go lazy again and not update for a couple of weeks.

Emily - Thanks to KiyoiYume for this chappy's pranks!

JA NE!


	9. HOLY SHIT!

V-chan - (SOB!) TTOTT  
Emily - What's wrong V-chan?  
V-chan - This is the last chapter of the fic remember!!  
Emily - Oh yeah. It'll be okay, just write another fic.  
V-chan - (stops sobbing) I never thought of that.  
Emily - Well know you know.  
V-chan - Arigatou Emi-chan. i don't own D.Gray-man. If I did, it'd be total chaos.  
Emily - Yep!

**Ch 9 HOLY SHIT!!**

Lesse, we stopped at Emily planning something. And everyone in Hogwarts except her shivered in fear.

The next morning, the people of Hogwarts knew that today would be the worst day they had ever experienced. But, the Slytherin's seemed to have a greater feeling of foreboding.

Up in Gryffindor tower, Hermionie looked around to find the evil genius whom everyone thinks is the devil, before going down to the common room, where she saw Allen, Harry and Ron, once again, no Emily.

"Hey, have you seen Emily?" Allen, Harry and Ron shook their heads.

"Have you seen Lavi?" asked Allen.

"Did you see Fred and George anywhere? They owe me twenty Sickles." said Ron looking quite annoyed.

"No, but if they're all gone then there must be something going down today. You all heard Emily. She's going to kill Malfoy!" Hermione said.

"She's got a point... that girl woke up half of the dorm screaming something about Killing Malfoy... and then there was something about a tomato.." said Harry going through the memory to be sure.

"That's impossible 'Mione."Ron said. Hermione and Harry weren't reassured. With that, the four kids went down to the Great Hall, feeling that something will go wrong today.

They were right, there was no sight of anyone in the Slytherin Quidditch team... or Emily, Lavi, Fred and George.

All throughout school, not one of those Slytherins were spotted.

"I bet those stupid snakes are practicing for the big game today." said Ron, being the Quidditch fanatic.

"Ronald, they could be sick." Hermionie admonished.

"Yeah right. How can 7 Slytherins get sick on the same day as the last Quidditch game, which is Gryffindor vs. Slytherin, and those 7 Slytherins are on the bloody team?" Ron yelled.

Those two continued like this until it was time for the Quidditch game. Harry and Allen decided to leave the old married couple to their bickering and went to go look for their other friends.

Meanwhile

While the four fifth-years were arguing, Emily was planning. She woke up at 5 am, and snuck into the seventh year boy's room. She did it once and she can do it again. she levitated the three pranksters, and then she used Loki and transported all of them to the Room of Requirement.

Then, she had the room conjure her a big fire hose. She sprayed all three boys awake.

"Hey! What was that for?" George cried.

"And where the hell are we?" George asked.

"HELP! I'M DROWNING!!" screamed Lavi, Emily continued to spray the hose at Lavi, WHY? cause she was bored.

After calming the three red heads, Emily explained her plan. The redheads were staring at her in awe, and spoke as one person as they said, "You. Are. A. GENIUS!"

And so, the four hellions split up. Fred and George researched spells in the LIBRARY!, Lavi charmed the floor of a random room to have a false bottom, and Emily ran to the targe-I mean, Slytherins, who were walking to the Great Hall... ooh look the Slytherin broom closet! Emily went inside and snagged the brooms while jinxing them. Once that was done she saw the Slytherin's along with Malfoy walking towards the locker rooms.

"Hey Malfoy and you other idiots!" screamed Emily, the Slytherin looked up to see a hyperactive blond wearing a talking hat that was asleep. "I'm gonna wreck your brooms if you don't catch me!" She hollered in a mocking way, Emily started running to the room Lavi was in. Needless to say, the Slytherin's followed her in hot pursuit. When all the Slytherins ran in the false bottom caved in, Levi and Emily waved at them who were on the safe zone as the team fell into a cage, unconscious.

Emily closed the cage, and waited for Fred and George to come with the spells she wanted.

Finally, the twins came in and told Lavi and Emily the spells. Once a spell was performed by George, the Slytherin's brooms were thinking they were flamingos. (GREEN flamingos) Lavi transfigured the Quidditch robes into frilly red and gold dresses, and Emily put makeup on the victims.

"I FEEL LIKE A MAKE UP ARTIST!" said Emily in a dreamy like way. Lavi looked at the face of what used to be the guys of the Slytherin team and almost died at the sight.

"Wow... Emi-chan... they look like clowns." said Lavi trying to suppress his laughter. Emily looked at him questionably.

"But I always do this make over on others." said Emily. Lavi sweat dropped... that was something surprising to hear (Emily - just so you know I do know how to put make up on, my mom works for fashion.).

George in the end put a charm on the Slytherins to make them think that nothing was wrong with their clothes.

Game time!

This was the final game: Gryffindor vs. Slytherin. And everyone was betting on who would win.

Finally, the Slytherins came out. Three-fourths of the entire stadium roared with laughter. Snape's mouth was on the floor and Professor Umbridge spoke the words on all the staff's minds, "Oh. My. God." Dumbledore was clapping approvingly, he knew of Emily's plan and all. He just loved that little evil genius.

The game was horrible. To all the spectators, the Slytherins were acting like flamingos once they got on their brooms. It was shocking and hilarious. Finally, Harry caught the Snitch, making the final score: Gryffindor-1,530; Slytherin-0. Emily being an idiot poked the Bludger alot, the Bludger got angry and thought Malfoy was the culprit. The bludger then chased Malfoy out of the stadium leaving Emily confused... she went over to the golden snitch and began to pet it (Emily - yes my precious).

Snape was furious. He blamed the Weasley twins, that red headed new student, and the new girl who made him cry, and so, he used 'Snorus' and yelled, "Emily, Mr. Lavi and Misters Fred and George Weasley, you have detention with me!" Emily grinned like an idiot, Lavi smiled weakly, and the twins high-fived each other. (Emily made another new record in Detention time)

After detention, which was horrible (Cleaning Mrs Norris' cat box and catering to Snape's every whim for an hour), the four troublemakers went to bed, but not without planning something spectacular for tomorrow.

The next day

Today, everyone felt like the apocalypse was near. WHY? EMILY. WAS. SMILING.

O

M

G

Once in the great Hall, everyone saw Emily, Lavi, Fred and George fly into the room shouting, "SNAPE WAS ON A RAINBOW!!" and threw confetti everywhere.

Lavi and Emily used new spells they learned and blew up everything in sight. Tables, chairs, **Umbridge**, you name it, they blew it up.

Then, they took Umbridge, gave her a wedgie, and charmed her so much, that Umbridge was twitching, horribly. The crowd cheered

Meanwhile, Fred and George casted a charm to make all the owls think Slytherin table was their coop, and millions of owls (including the white wonder!) came flying in and pooping on the table and its confused occupants. (Malfoy!)

Emily, for the grand finale, turned Umbridge into a permanent toad, which amused the Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs, and Ravenclaws to no end. She then flew out the window... by breaking it, but not before yelling for everyone to go to the Quidditch pitch.

Once everyone was outside, she set of a giant fireworks display, which was everlasting, and spell-proof. It read 'EMILY WAS HERE AND CREATED LIVING HELL FOR ALL SLYTHERINS (INCLUDING MALFOY)!!'

She then flew all the way back to California, before going back to NYC.

**California**

"I'M BACK!!" Emily yelled. V-chan was shocked, Emily looked as though she just celebrated Halloween in July, broom, hat, robe and all. V-chan smiled and then hit her on the head.

**BAM!**

"OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!" screamed Emily TToTT

"THAT WAS FOR LEAVING ME WITH THE NOAH'S THE WHOLE TIME, DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO HANDLE YOUR STORY WHILE YOU ARE GONE?!"

The insane friends were at it again.

V-chan - There! It's done!  
Emily - Yay! Now you can focus on the other fics you were planning.  
V-chan - Yep! I'd like to thank Emi-chan, and all my reviewers. you guys are the reason why I finished the fic.  
Emily - Aw, you're welcome.  
V-chan - Please look out for my new fics that will pop up once I finish my other fics.


End file.
